I hope you are not scared, were not scared. I hope someone held your hand and that you saw love in the eyes of the people standing around you. I hope you didn't feel pain or panic or fear and that if you didn't have time to feel closure that at least you had time to feel kindness. Because you were always kind. You asked me how I was on days I wasn't okay and you really meant it, you really wanted to know and you cared. You encouraged me to keep running. You suggested some exercises for my back. You emailed me when I came into the gym with my son and you said, "You're doing a great job with him. It reminds me of me and my mom at that age." This meant to much to me. Also how you gave him a little hand shake lesson. You didn't speak about it that much but I know you had gone through a lot with doctors and surgery and your leg. That you were pretty happy with your life but maybe a little lonely. 44 is so young and you deserved to have lots of love, you deserved to have friends and loved ones around you, especially in that moment when breathing was so hard and then impossible. Talk to us, okay, Chris? Tell us what you are feeling, experiencing, how you are doing, what you need. Some of us can hear you and all of us can feel you, even if it just in a song lyric or a baseball pitch or the smell of fall's arrival on the gray air. We miss you and we are also here for you, like you were there for us.