Tuesday, August 28, 2012
#12
My Mother's Hair
when she was a baby she stood out in the sea of dark-haired cousins
like a bright-blond reflection of a star
disconcerting everyone with her smile
as a teen she posed red-lipsticked over her shoulder glancing
that famous hair curled marilyn style
you should have seen it!
as a bride in satin blond as she
the rest of the world just paled around her
then she divorced her husband and let her hair grow long
tied it in a braid dressed in peasant blouses went off to college
met my father
he released the long and golden strands
they saved him from the darkness
but agitated me when i was born
and when i could speak demanded that she wear her braid again
too much softness! too much light! i couldn't bare it
even as a baby i knew i could never be
a woman like her
never stop men on the street
and rescue one the way she had my father
i grew up dark-haired sullen like those faceless cousins
no one's starlight
no one's sun
how i wanted to shine like her
hacked off my own hair
burned it raw with bleach
it didn't work
and finally
when i had begun to accept myself
she was already growing tiny, losing hair
and then so sick she couldn't eat or bathe or walk
she didn't want the surgery
she didn't want the chemo
she would have preferred the darkness the oblivion the ashes
but even as she died
held in our arms no more rapunzel
her eyes her smile
they set the world
a-fire
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So beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteA simple whisper, "I miss you" travels out
ReplyDeleteto the horizon, a message in a bottle
only seeking you
I wish you could come back to me
but you are here, forever,
watching the ocean
drift in and out
If you were here I'd bring you coffee and the
favorite scone you like
from the coffee shop where we met
out on the sidewalk, looking at me
like an angel
waiting to save me
the ocean drifts in,
the ocean drifts out,
dangerous- my solace and peace
and faith and hate.
Here is the link to my blog, where I've been posting all the poems as well. http://adodge529.wordpress.com/2012/08/30/poetry-challenge-day-12/
my powers are limited and my weakness great
ReplyDeletei’d rather set this story aside and forget i ever opened it
the pages are filled with all my self-doubt and the cover
crawls with a reflection of my eyes sprouting
thousands of eyelash legs that creep across the title
as they whisper with their deep, watery pupils that
i am lonely and afraid to be any lonelier
i learn to give books away to friends and pretend
they are gifts instead of voodoo objects that could
potentially haunt anyone who reads them and
i burn my journals instead of re-opening them
and when i visit my mom i tell her about stories
and television shows and links i find on the internet
as if i am gathering yarn from my thoughts
so she might be able to crochet a softer blanket
then i go home and obsess over my lack
of concentration and sometimes my over-obsessing
and mostly on the words repeating in my head
my powers are limited, my weakness great
Wigs
ReplyDeleteG can choose from six wigs
though now, a year post-chemo, mostly it's her own hair
she lets fly in the wind.
There's the blond bob and five shades of brunette
all short compared to R
but a couple lace down to mid-back.
She says there were days she had to find some way to rise
and feed her kids during three hundred days of treatment
so she did, wig or not.
She says her skin, like her clothes, sloughed off her hips.
Photos show her staring at the camera, daring it
to say she looks anything but alive.
Vitiligo developed across her upper chest and back and face
but somehow a heart appeared on her right shoulder blade
about the size of nearly touching your thumb to ring finger
it's still there
although the heart that grew on her face faded.
I think she grew extra because she has more heart than most
anyone I know. So now when she wears spaghetti strap shirts
and the sun comes out if she forgets it turns the pale heart pink
which seems appropriate, if risky, for a cancer survivor.
Still, she smiles when I trace my index finger on the perimeter
like tracking a route on a map of her heart
while her own hair smells of coconut shampoo.
She says she loves Halloween
so maybe the wigs will come in handy then
when she can hide amidst everyone from D.
love this
DeleteNatalie Doll
ReplyDeleteNatalie Doll
Let down your hair
For you
I cut mine
To be your match
I wore your clothes
I ran your lines
Off camera
On mornings
When you needed to sleep
You gave me the chance
To play
A scene
With Dustin
You gave me a
Golden elephant
Journal
You told me to
Write my thoughts
Natalie laughter
Natalie kind
Tiny vegetarian love
In fake plastic shoes
Thank you
For being
Number One
Second team, first choice
Toy store magic dance
Napping in the stories section
Watching from the second story
The world crumbled
Squid
Ink
Splattered
Broken ship
Heart of sadness
And ticking clocks
Rusty waves
Unsettled tides
Helm to guide the way
Dancing with the crane
Angelo calling my name
Rehearse again
And again
Three days
To get it right
The dance
“I’ll miss you”
I said
To him
At the end
Lights go out
Booth street walk
Park
Shelter
Sob
Spark
Shadow
Flash
Natalie Doll
Lighting space
Floating grace
Smile
Skin
Heart
You are
A star
this poem is so amazing, so beautiful. it made me cry. it really reminds me of my mother and i.
ReplyDeleteLucy
“Sirena”
ReplyDeletethe shallows sweep me up
in the tiny sea shells i lift
to hear a lie of an ocean
i dream of such magnitude
sky and sea lingering sun
beams; whales large enough
to swallow me until i can
learn to live honestly
without artifice, clinging
to my disguses barnicle
heavy, algae twining to
form long, long hair
just singing to call the
sailors home.
The Tower
ReplyDeleteShe's back in the tower now.
He wanted to tear it
Down, he knew that it was
Hers.
She kept it.
She dreamed for years
Of soft hands in her hair, of the
Taste of rampion in her mouth
Of falling stone
Of the card which brings;
Chaos, change,
Downfall, ruin,
And sometimes
Finally,
Realization of truth.
She knew, you see,
She knew,
She saw it in the cards,
That while love is
All very well
Love doesn't always last
Forever.
Not as long as stone walls,
As the floors she paced
And the window she
Waited at, and the peace she had there,
And craved till she thought she
Could die,
And finally came home to
For
Ever after
12. barbie
ReplyDeletewe always knew the truth was out there
alien conspiracies
building mysteries
one-oh-one
eleven-eleven
even our lucky numbers were compatible
our secret language consisted of one word
(i'll never tell)
friends forever and
ever
impromptu trance dance parties
sweaty and silly and completely ourselves
the cord of connection frayed
little bits
almost imperceptibly
i started getting drunk a lot
teetering on chunky heels hoping to
fall into the arms of a boy who would
save me
(a feminist with a touch of white knight syndrome)
you started obsessing over star trek hoping to
fall into an alternate universe that would
save you
(a pragmatist with a taste for the supernatural)
i longed to be a supermodel
you longed to be understood
i dolled you up in sundresses
painted your lips with gloss
combed your hair
it was so long then,
hanging over your shoulder like
waves of wheat
how we laughed! click
click went the camera
we both felt so pretty
we met our loves across the universe
you saw through mine as if he was
glass
his coldness fragility sharp
edges and hairline fractures
your lover, on the other hand, was
perfect, i
chose to drink and
vomit my insecurities
hungover with longing with
love with desire with
all the things we would giggle about during
sleepovers
you loved my adventures my imagination my
pining for cute catholic boys with spiky
hair and stupid mouths
you came to find me after the bad thing
i was too busy being rebellious and
acting cooler than i was
(this is what regret feels like)
you left
and you were happy
i left
my self respect on his floor, right
next to my rumpled clothes
there were phone calls
a few visits
you abandoned the computer screen to live your reality
(and here we were, thinking you were the later bloomer)
i lived like a troll
under the cover of darkness, wishing
we could wear lipstick and
build more mysteries
trance dance
no one understood my insecurities quite like you
the levees broke
you were safe in your trailer, you
said talk soon
you came back to brooklyn to visit and brought your new
life your wife your
cool crowd
i brought my technicolor hair and tight
shirts and
cat's eye glasses
(you even had a new me)
we went to dinner there was something in the
air your friends thought i wasted money you
thought so too my vintage was overpriced you made fun of me and i couldn't understand why
i was suddenly the outcast in your life
we promised to meet up again before you
left you chose to see other people i said fuck
it and went out on a date with a spiky haired loser
you went home.
i found love moved again this time things were so much
better
we facebooked and pretended nothing ever went
wrong
you were happy for me
i was happy for you
a whole life to visit to see each other's families to be friends!
then the call came.
you were
so fucking upbeat with your newfound southern drawl
three years
your stomach
things growing
three years
three years
three years
i told you about my engagement ring and my lover man
you would hang on to party at the wedding we
would trance dance we would have so much fun i would see you again
one year
one year
one year
i hoped for miracles
i did not want to be realistic i
just wanted my friend back i
wanted to scoop up all the wasted space and
separation and start
again
your hair fell out
your smile remained
you went to disneyworld and posted the pictures
one year
one year
one year
people probably wonder why i still
mourn one year
one year
one year
i found out on facebook
your death reduced to a status update
(i fucking loathe our dependence on technology)
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